Be careful what you bucketlist!

It’s just before midnight when we start our hike up Mount Agung, the biggest active volcano in Bali. The driver has dropped us off and left. After about an hour I wonder if I can still go back. My bagpack is heavy, we had to bring 3 liters of water, food and spare clothes for this trip. My body is aching, and I start to wonder if there is ever a bit of a flat part in the trail? Turns out there is not, it is steep or very steep all the way.

My headlight fails twice and in the pitch black I wait for my guide to come back and replace it. He is up ahead with my son.

What am I doing? And who am I doing this all for? I wonder along the way. I have so many thoughts. I try to focus, to get in control of my mindset, but I experience something I have not experienced in a long time: I HATE this! It is so fascinating to feel that resentment in my body. But there was something else. I also knew I could do it. And I was curious which one would win.

Around 6am in the morning we made it 300m from the top. We are in the clouds and we could feel and hear a dangerous wind surrounding us. The guide calls it quits, we can not make it to the summit, it is too dangerous. Me and my son, we don’t care. We are so happy and relieved this ordeal is over.. at least, almost. We now have a 5 hours hike downhill back. It is slippery because it has been raining all night. I fall down many many times. My legs and body do their own thing and I am so tired of this hike. 10 minutes before reaching the car I slip and fall again! I almost burst into tears! It is fascinating I have not felt this frustration and pain in a long time.

And back home, I am not even proud. This was actually just a very stupid idea. This never again. Next time I want to see a volcano, I just book a hotel with a view. Mount Agung, you are gorgeous. But you are too big for me.

24 hours later, over a hot cappuccino and breakfast, something strange happens. My son and I are licking our wounds. I can hardly sit because of the bruises on my buttocks and we talk.. about the next time. Another volcano, Batur or Rinjani.. better preparation, better shoes, special climbing gear.. this is addictive. Because despite the pain, the hatred and the extreme discomfort, 24 hours later we feel refreshed, renewed. Dare I say, we had a “reset”?!

In our mental health retreat program we promote being comfortable feeling uncomfortable. No, we will not send you up to Mount Agung for a 12 hours hike, but we will help you to make sure you have the right mindset to overcome setbacks in your life. Whether self-inflicted or not.

Bali’s mental health retreat, visit our website www.TheResetBali.com for more information.